Jersey Shore — From Us to You… Love, America.

via MTV

It’s hard enough to explain JERSEY SHORE to the Hamptons, let alone South America. But MTV international execs are going to try, as they sell the explosive show to MTV networks around the world. Now the question is, what is this show going to teach the world about “Americans” that they didn’t already know/assume? Let’s examine:

1) Americans aren’t all lazy/fat slobs!
The greatest lesson of this show is G.T.L. — Gym, Tanning, and Laundry. The gym means physical activity! And laundry means cleanliness! And tanning… well… we can’t explain that. But don’t the Shore Whores get points for keeping up appearances? And any sweatsuit action is at least fitted.

2) Sometimes we beat up the BEAT instead of people!
I’m glad the foreigners get to watch some of our native dances, a la fist pumping and beat beating. And best of all, Snooki’s impromptu boardwalk dance. How could they not fall in love with our national midget and her infectious moves??

3) …But sometimes we beat up people too.
The US has a bit of a rep for being… aggressive? Yeah, that’s a nice way to put it. Ronnie beating the crap out of everyone won’t do much to prove that false, but hey — he usually only snaps out of self-defense and defense for his woman. One look at Sammie Sweetheart, and I’m sure the world will understand.

4) Ham can come pre-sliced in a plastic container
And it goes great with a pickle at 4am.

-MM

Contact the author at mmsmogger@gmail.com.

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