Suspect Is Described as White, Female, and armed with Chanel

From a little less than a year, from December 2008 to October 2009, a string of high profile robberies stunned the Hollywood community. Unlike other crime strikes that tend to target particular a particular neighborhood or area, these criminals preyed on celebrities. Their victims include Paris Hilton, Megan Fox, Brian Austin Green, Lindsay Lohan, Orlando Bloom, Rachel Bilson, and Audrina Patridge to name a few.

Unfortunately, there was no time for styling before these shots were taken. via TruTV

Utilizing the same tools that have made privacy essentially extinct, these criminals executed break-ins that resulted in the acquisition of millions of dollars of loot. Unlike common thieves with guns or knives, these wannabe-celebrities used TMZ, the paparazzi, and Google Maps as their weapons. By monitoring when stars would leave their homes, and mapping out their residences via mapping websites and satellite imaging, they plotted their targets out, and in many cases, entered homes that were often kept unlocked or without any security.

Robbing me was totally not hot. via Socialite Life

Along with predictable items such as jewelry and expensive electronics, the items the “Bling Ring” stole reveal a lot about their motives. Rachel Lee, the 19-year-old alleged mastermind of the ring, tried on Paris’ clothing, slipped on Lindsay’s shoes, and burned to feel what it was like to take a few steps in a famous person’s life. According to Vanity Fair, others, like Roy Lopez, a 27 year old accomplice “allegedly stole close to $2 million worth of [Paris’] jewelry” and Nick Prugo, who claims to have “found about, like, five grams of coke in Paris’ house.” While Paris’ team denies the validity of this statement, after finding this alleged drug stash, Prugo says that he and Lee snorted it and “drove around Mulholland, having the best time of [their] lives.”

Bathroom floors are so glamorous. via Flickr

It was to be short-lived. After bragging about their crimes on Facebook and being caught on various video cameras (including an infamous tape that many believed to implicate Lindsay Lohan in breaking into her own home), the criminals felt the walls closing in on them. By November 2009, Nick Prugo confessed to the crimes, and the five other suspects were quickly apprehended.

The sad story about fame-obsessed wannabes desperate for attention should have ended there. But it didn’t. Tonight, E! will premiere its newest reality series, Pretty Wild. After a contestant on a VH1 reality show was revealed to be a murderer late last year, you would think the standards for what’s acceptable behavior on television would have changed. You’re wrong. E!, known for salacious series about wannabe celebrities, famous for absolutely nothing besides their ability to pose for the camera, has based its newest series on Alexis Neiers. Alexis, coincidentally, happens to be one of the six indicted criminals in the Bling Ring.

We're totes gonna be famous. via E!

Rather than cancel production on the series, E!, that standard-bearer of classiness, has instead moved forward with it, and integrated the court drama into the series. So now, the girl who was so desperate for fame that she terrorized those who had it, may now finally get her wish. The only thing more disgusting is that her mother, Andrea Arlington Dunn, is not only fine with this, but she is happy to promote it. In the March 2009 issue of Vanity Fair, Alexis, Andrea, and Alexis’ “sister” (they aren’t really related) Gabrielle, posed for photos in stilettos, clutching giant purses and accessory-sized dogs.  Undoubtedly, if this show is successfully (and given E’s track record with semi-celebrities, it seems it will be), they will soon be on the covers of supermarket tabloids and the homepage of gossip blogs all over the world.

Does this venti make me look fat? via Vanity Fair

I would be naive to imagine that in a society so obsessed with fame and celebrity, people wouldn’t be interested in a story full of drugs, sex, and crime. But at some point a line needs to be drawn. Right? Maybe I’m being too old-fashioned in my belief that criminal behavior shouldn’t be advocated on a network that targets a demographic already prone to emulate the rich and famous. If that’s the case, then I guess I can only hope that Alexis Neiers will soon be sentenced to some serious jail time to prevent her from staying in the news. After all, there are no cameras or paparazzi in prison – as long as E! doesn’t decide that prisoners would make for better TV than mere suspects.

-MK

Contact the author at mksmogger@gmail.com.

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8 responses to “Suspect Is Described as White, Female, and armed with Chanel

  1. Writing posts about this only makes it more noticeable and popular. If no one wrote about this, it would disappear with the wind, like most reality shows.

  2. Please SIGN THIS PETITION AND Help us Stop the show Pretty Wild on E!-Against Unethical TV http://bit.ly/9xmZ1i

  3. ha, you are charging for your petition?? it’s ridiculous, just like your claims that you “personally” know the girls and you know that mother gives them pills every day. Duh! It was on the show!
    And I doubt that they’d do Oxy in front of you. The show is appalling but you need to get over yourself. This is the Nth comment where somebody claims to know them “personally”. Sounds like you wanted to be on the show.

  4. Not Smart Petition:
    The police can easily track you down by getting your IP address from all these websites you are posting the petition on, and ask you to stand trial because you say the girls admitted the crimes to you.

    So dumb. You just got yourself involved in a felony court case.

    The police have already started contacting folks that post online that the bunch admitted the crime.

    So, so stupid haha, but have fun.

  5. Write a petition?? Yea right, who has time to put energy into something that you have no control over. Its just another story of the rich, greedy, snobby, selfish, fucked up world we live in. Humanity is a failure

  6. who relly cares if they stole $2 million jewlerry from paris hilton! shes rich & spends money on just herself…i dont hear her giving money to the poor people, the money she spends on jewlerry could feed millions! 2 million dollers shouldnt relly matter to her rich selfish ass! same goes with the rest of them celeb’s that are filfy rich & only care about them selves!

  7. just because they’re rich doesn’t mean that them getting robbed is okay ??? It sounds like you’re jealous. GET OVER IT . breaking into someone’s home isn’t right.

  8. I cant believe they gave these people a show, and i cant believe i actually watch it. Who the hell would rob Orlando bloom?! for real wtf ? thats Legolas man ! Anyways i seriously want to strangle this girl when she’s ‘praying’ or says she is, WOW i guess it looks good on her part? She’ll have fun in jail, processed food is GREAT & im sure she will get a lot of yoga in. HAVE FUN ALEXIS and remember…. you deserve what your gunna get. PEACE OUT

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