Mourning the End of the JERSEY SHORE: What We Have to Look Forward to in Miami

I know, I know. It’ll never be the same. Ever. Miami delusion isn’t the same as Jersey delusion. But life, my friends, has given us lemons, so we must make some lemonade… mixed with jager. Here are a couple things we can look forward to in the upcoming season of JERSEY SHORE: Miami (?).

1) OLD PEOPLE:
Remember when Florida was inaugurated as our country’s first state/retirement home? Maybe we’ll get to see Ronnie beat down a retiree for asking that “whipper-snapper” to “quiet down already!!”

via absurd modernity

2) HIPPOS:
Miami has some gorgeous people… and it is also considered one of –if not THE– fattest cities in America. And let’s be honest… every fight from this season was better when it had that chubby blond chick involved. And more hippos means more self-esteem for Snooki. Which means more dancing on the boardwalk!

3) MORE TANNING! AND SWEATINESS!
I don’t know why you’d want to see this… but you’ll probably get it. And you know what that means? Increased tanning means increased gym and laundry… aka more GTL! Pump it!!

via MTV

-MM

Contact the author at mmsmogger@gmail.com.

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